Are You Prepared for the Change You Seek?

Why does the thought of change and the action of change in verb form feel so completely opposite?



Maybe you’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the person you want to become.

You’ve imagined the body.

The business.

The money.

The relationship.

The move.

The freedom.

Whatever your version of “more” looks like, you’ve probably spent some time mentally living there already.

And in your imagination, it feels pretty good.

You know exactly what you’ll do when you get there. You can see yourself making the decisions, living the lifestyle, enjoying the results. You might even feel completely certain that this is the life you want.

Then the opportunity to actually change arrives.

And suddenly…

You’re nervous.

You feel exposed.

You question yourself.

You wonder whether you’ve made a huge mistake.

You start missing things about the life you were so desperate to leave.

You may even find yourself wanting to go back to what you already decided wasn’t working.

What happened?

You were so sure.

Here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately:

Maybe we spend so much time preparing for the outcome of change that we forget to prepare for the experience of changing.

I know I did.

I was mentally preparing for the thing I wanted to create, become, and do.

I don’t recall preparing for the sit-with-yourself part.

The uncertainty.

The vulnerability.

The weird space between who you were and who you’re becoming.

And if you’re in that space right now, I want you to know something:

You aren’t necessarily doing it wrong.

You might just be experiencing the part of change nobody told you to expect.

As summer closes out over the next few weeks, Halloween decorations are already displayed in every store as if there isn’t one additional holiday and three more good weeks before the calendar season changes over.

Geez can we please relax??

But maybe this is actually the perfect time to take a step back and prepare.

Because that person you’ve been becoming all summer isn’t finished.

They’re ramping up.

Or they’re ramping down.

They’re leaving things behind.

They’re trying things they’ve never tried before.

They’re making decisions the old version of them would have never made.

And as someone going through several changes right now, I’ve realized that the hidden emotional part of change is very real.

There’s a psychological concept called identity discontinuity that describes the tension we can experience when our sense of who we were doesn’t quite match who we’re becoming.

And honestly, that tension makes sense.

Your old identity was built through repetition.

Your routines.

Your relationships.

Your environment.

Your decisions.

Your expectations of yourself.

So when you start behaving differently, your external life might not have caught up yet.

You’re in between.

The old version isn’t completely gone.

The new version isn’t completely formed.

And that middle can feel strangely lonely.

There are also some very normal psychological forces working against you here.

Your brain tends to favor what is familiar. Status quo bias helps explain why the existing situation can feel safer or easier to maintain, even when you aren’t particularly happy with it.

Then there’s loss aversion.

The possibility of losing what you already have can feel more significant than the possibility of gaining something better.

So the old version of you has a pretty convincing argument.

What if this doesn’t work?

What if you fail?

What if you lose what you already have?

What if everyone thinks you’re crazy?

What if you regret it?

Meanwhile, the future version of you is standing there like:
Girl. Are we doing this or not?

This is where self-trust becomes important.

Self-trust isn’t built by knowing exactly what will happen.

It’s built by discovering that you can handle what happens.

You don’t need to know every step.

You need to know that you’ll pay attention.

You’ll adjust.

You’ll keep your promises.

You’ll ask for help when you need it.

You’ll change your mind when the evidence tells you to.

You’ll keep moving.

That’s actually how self-efficacy develops. You build confidence in your ability to handle something through experience. You take an action, navigate the outcome, adjust, and discover that you can do it again.

This is why I created 100 Days, One You.

Because I know what it’s like to have a vision for your life and then feel completely unprepared for the emotional experience of becoming the person who can actually live it.

You don’t need another giant promise about transforming your entire life overnight.

You need a structure you can return to.

A place to practice keeping promises to yourself.

A way to collect evidence while you’re still figuring things out.

One day at a time.

One choice at a time.

One piece of evidence at a time.

That’s what the 100 days are for.

→ Start your 100 Days, One You experiment here.

Because change isn’t just about becoming the person who gets the thing.

It’s also about becoming the person who can sit with the uncertainty of getting there.

So as August comes to a close, before we rush into September with a brand-new list of goals, take a minute.

Look at who you were when this summer started.

Look at what you’ve done.

Look at what you’ve stopped doing.

Look at what you’re still carrying.

Look at what you’re becoming.

And maybe most importantly:
Give yourself some credit for surviving the parts of becoming that nobody sees.

The emotional work counts too.

The hesitation counts.

The uncomfortable conversations count.

The days you questioned yourself and kept going count.

The days you rested count.

The days you changed your mind count.

The days you didn’t know what you were doing but did the next thing anyway?

Those count too.

You don’t have to sprint into the next season.

You can pause long enough to notice that you’re already in it.

And if you’re somewhere in the messy middle right now, welcome.

Apparently, this is part of the deal.

Don’t take my word for it.

Test it yourself.

Peace Out, Peace In.

-Spivey J.


P.S. August is almost over, which feels slightly rude considering Halloween decorations have already taken over every store. But before you rush into the next month, take a second to notice who you’ve become over the last one.