The Biology of Becoming
Why Change Feels So Hard (and how to make it stick)
The hardest part of transformation is not the work. It’s the biology.
I stayed in the JJ Fish and Wings drive thru because my brain cared more about repetition than my goals. I remember opening my Apple Wallet and realizing I bought their 10 whole wings with double fries, white bread, and that crack lemon pepper seasoned five times in one week.
I had just told my husband I wanted to lose weight the week before, but my biology had not caught up yet.
Change twirls around pretending to be a mindset problem when it’s actually a biological negotiation.
Your brain is not fighting your goals. It is protecting your current identity.
Transformation begins when you stop arguing with your biology and start re-educating it.
I finally felt ready to change when I silenced my mind by telling it to STFU.
Side bar: being gentle with myself has never worked. I have to coach myself like a football player. Borderline abusive. Maybe. But it works, and if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
By cutting off the internal dialogue that excused every attempt to improve my life, I finally won. I stopped letting the logic of who I used to be make decisions for me. I decided to make decision from the mindset of the woman I intended to become.
Let’s dive in.
In social psychology, self-discrepancy is the gap between who you are and who you imagine yourself to be.
This gap can create negative emotions that lead to anxiety and depression.
Or it can awaken a desire for positive change that pushes you toward what truly matters, leading to meaningful life choices.
Self-awareness drives all intentional change. Be honest with yourself so you can re-educate your biology and update your software. Your brain is the power center, the nucleus, the computer.
We used to think the brain was solid and unchanging like concrete. Science has evolved. Now we know the opposite is true.
Neural plasticity is the brain’s ability to grow and reorganize. Your brain is clay. It can be imprinted, molded, and shaped into whatever you desire. I first learned this studying Joe Dispenza’s lectures. I believed it when I practiced the teachings and overrode every belief that went against my favor.
The basal ganglia is your brain’s autopilot system that automates repeated actions. It is your subconscious pattern library. It does not judge. It executes. Whatever you rehearse, it repeats.
Like me pulling into the same fast-food drive thru five days a week.
Your biology defaults to the familiar until you teach it something new.
The million-dollar question is this.
How do you change your mind, your brain, your biology?
How do you stop identifying as oppressed, a minor, less than, broken, never chosen, underemployed, undereducated, obese, unattractive, insignificant, or a victim of your past?
Before the blueprint, let’s set the stage with something hopeful.
If you knew that self-awareness combined with repetition could physically change your brain, how would that change your life? Remember, your brain is clay, not concrete. Every new thought or action presses a mold into it.
Here is the blueprint
Rehearsal is the doorway.
Resistance is the guardian.
You must go through both.
When you start anything new, it never looks like mastery.
Consistency never looks perfect on day one.
You must train your body long enough for it to accept the new normal.
Resistance is the receipt that a habit is unfamiliar, not impossible.
Will it hurt? Yes. You are driving out of the neighborhood you lived in your entire life, and you are never returning. That is what change feels like.
This is why my 100 Days, One You challenge worked. I upgraded my software. It took time, and here are the step-by-step actions that helped me get unstuck.
Step 1: Pick one habit
Walking. Journaling. Hydration. Eating protein first. Waking up earlier. Creating daily. Studying. Introducing your business to one new person every day. You choose.
Naming the habit activates agency.
Step 2: Break it into rehearsal micro reps
Walk for a few minutes.
Drink half a bottle of water.
Write two sentences.
Put your workout clothes on.
Read one page.
Paint one stroke.
Ask someone if you can practice your elevator pitch.
Rehearsal is small enough that your nervous system does not panic.
Step 3: Expect resistance and label it correctly
I don’t feel like it.
I’ll do it later.
This does not matter.
One day off won’t hurt.
I don’t know where to start.
Emotional irritation.
Tiredness that is not physical.
Repeat this: This is resistance, not regression.
Labeling it increases compliance.
Step 4: Use the 30 second override
When resistance shows up, counter with: Let me just rehearse it.
I do not need a full walk. I will rehearse 4 minutes.
I do not need a full journal session. I will rehearse 2 lines.
I do not feel like cooking. I will rehearse prepping protein.
Resistance decreases when the brain feels safe.
Step 5: Celebrate the rehearsal, not the outcome
This is how you rewire dopamine.
Reward the rehearsal, not the perfection.
Identity anchors to the repetition, not the result.
Science Square: Biology Before Willpower
Hypothesis: I failed the first 4 attempts of my own 100-day challenge.
Observation: I used every excuse to justify quitting.
Data Point: The basal ganglia automates the familiar.
Insight: I was not failing. I was untrained.
Application: I walked no less than 10,000 steps every day for 100 days. I did not focus on nutrition. I was building self-trust and methodical habit stacking.
Know what is true about you. Self-awareness and self-discrepancy.
Do something to reorganize your brain. Neural plasticity.
Repeat the new thing. Basal ganglia and habit rehearsal.
Acknowledge resistance. It is inevitable.
Keep going.
Reflection Question
What version of me is my body still loyal to?
Next Saturday I will share the secret to making discipline feel good.
Until then, Peace Out, Peace In.
Spivey J.